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so i found out that i might be getting rob back even EARLIER than expected, which is, if one word can describe such things, AMAZING.
this will be our first full summer we will have ever spent together.  summer 2003 he was in NC and i was at camp…we had august but that was about it.  summer 2004 was given to fort benning.  we saw each other for one 30 hour pass and then his graduation.  summer 2005 was in alaska and australia, summer 2006 was louisiana and preparation for iraq.  summer 2007 belonged to iraq, with the exception of 15 days of midtour leave in june.  but summer 2008 will be our first summer, from may (perhaps even late april…:-D) all the way to…well, forever.
i am so. so. so. so. excited.  i can’t even express it in words.
i’m still afraid of a few things.  one, that our life together will be cut short by the death of one of us, and two, that i’m going to wake up and this will all have been a dream, and actually i’m still lying in bed with him the night of our first real army goodbye, his 30-hour pass from fort benning.
i can’t even explain the desperation that trip represented to me, and represents to me even now, almost 4 years later.  when he left after our glorious 30 hours it didn’t matter how hard i cried (and believe me, i sobbed), he wasn’t going to come walking back saying that he wasn’t in the army anymore.  i realized that i was stuck doing those kind of goodbyes for the next four years, or more, if the army so decided.  and now it’s nearing an end and i just simply can’t wrap my head around it.  there’s no more desperate iraq-imposed goodbyes, wondering if it’ll be the last time i see him again.
i’m not naive enough to think that this is definitely the end.   of course he could be called up at any time.  but for now i’m going to hold on to the happiness and the hope that i’ve finally allowed myself to feel.  i’m so excited.  and i only have another month to get through.

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