still pretty down lately, running on auto-pilot, that’s for sure.  it didn’t help that rob and i got into this huge…well, re-understanding…last weekend.  but we’re on the same page now for the most part.  it’s interesting in a relationship when you get past the point where you think one argument will bring you down.  after five years i’m pretty damn sure that one argument, after months apart, means little in the grand scheme of things.

but still, i’ve been rather depressed.  can’t get up the motivation to do anything besides sit online, sleep, and eat.  i get it all done but it’s like some other personality takes over to do it, and then to talk about it in class.  it might be because i’m off my anti-depressants, but i’d much rather try to work through this than hop back on them.  i want to be able to love myself; i want, when i have children, to tell them to love themselves without being able to do it myself.  i don’t want to be dependent on pills.

doesn’t make this easier though.  i’m going to see rob in a little over 20 days, which is exciting, but i’m really not looking forward to the goodbye.  if i feel as ravaged after that one as i do now…i think this semester will be long and difficult.

i am trying though.


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