kiss me and smile for me. (cliche, i apologize)


rob left today after 35 wonderful days with me.  for some reason this goodbye hit me a lot harder than usual; i think it’s because we had so much time, and we got a little preview of what life together will be like.  i hated having to say goodbye to that.  i think my mind convinced me that it was real, that he was here for good.  and he had to leave.  i kept crying and crying…all i wanted was for him to stay.

as i walked back into my room for the first time since he left i saw our two mugs from hot cocoa last night and felt a wrenching in my stomach.  i missed him so much.  then tonight i went out with four friends (2 couples) and it was miserable.  first, on the way, we couldn’t find my lap belt and i was sitting between one of the couples.  they said they’d protect me by holding hands across my legs.  so there i was, staring at them caressing each other’s hands.  then we got into the thai restaurant and the couples said they’d split their checks by twos, and i was all alone.  it actually made me cry…i had to go to the bathroom to chill out for a bit.  then we went to the movie theater and the couples were cuddling.  dammit.

but i’m getting better and i’ll see him in a month. after that i’m not sure when i’ll see him again.  at least we’re almost done with this army thing.

i’m going to go immerse myself in my favorite therapy: mst3k.


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