last day of november.

01Dec07

i just watched a special on putin’s russia called “czar putin.” very interesting but really quite frightening. he has these camps for “putin youth” where teenagers swim, sail, etc. and also get “a good dose of political indoctrination.” they showed all these young people with red flags all chanting things about putin. anyway it was really interesting.

had more psycho girlfriend time today. rob’s at a movie, which i hate. i don’t know why i hate it but i always have. i think it’s because going to movies is the stuff WE should be doing together, and yet i’ve had to wait day in, day out for the past 3 1/2 years until it’s even a remote possibility. so i keep calling and apologizing for freaking out and asking for validation. sadly, i need validation. i wish i didn’t. i mean he’s shown me time and again that he loves me and that we’re for real, and that i’m not getting rid of him any time soon with my crazy behavior. but still. i sit here alone and miss him, and want to know that i’m still the most important person in his life. silly and pathetic.

i talked to him yesterday about engagement and we kind of got some of those issues out of the way. he says that i just need to wait, but he gave me good reasons as to why he’s waited up to now so i feel a lot better about it. i don’t like things to be left unresolved.

here is a russian poem from world war II that my russian professor showed me today. we sort of translated it but please forgive if it doesn’t sound 100% coherent in english.   in russian it rhymes, obviously…this translation is a rhyming english version. but this is the caitlin and olga version.

“Wait for me”
Wait for me, and I will return.
Just wait awhile,
Wait, when yellow rains
Bring sadness
Wait, when the snow is sweeping,
Wait, when it is warm
Wait, when others don’t wait,
Yesterday having forgotten.
Wait, when from a faraway place,
Letters don’t come,
Wait, when all those who wait together
Are sick of waiting.

Wait for me, and I will return
Do not wish good
Upon those who know by heart
That it’s already time to forget.
Let the son and mother believe
That I am no longer,
Let friends grow tired of waiting
They will sit by the fire
They will drink bitter wine
In memory of my soul…
Wait. Do not be in a hurry
to drink with them.

Wait for me, and I will return
Out of spite to death.
Those who didn’t wait for me,
Let them say, “He is lucky.”
It is impossible for them to understand, having not waited,
How in the midst of fire
With your waiting
You saved me
How I survived, only you and I
Will know-
You simply were able to wait
Like no one else. 

-Konstantin Simonov

Russian Text

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