bad news bears.

17Nov07

it’s already starting…rob has been back in alaska for not even a week yet and already i’m getting all psychotic. he was going out to eat last night and said that he might be an hour late in calling (usually he calls at 7 pm his time–10 pm my time–because that’s when his free cell time starts) and i got scared that he’d rather be with those guys than talk to me. which is absurd, i know. i used to do it a lot when he was in alaska before the deployment. part of it is that i don’t think he realizes how late 11 or 12 can be for me…8 or 9 his time isn’t that bad so he doesn’t really think about it. so i get all crazy and demand validation. well, not “demand” so much as “whine for.”

i called him and asked for validation. he laughed and said of course he loves me, and of course he’d rather be with me than with army guys, and soon i won’t have to share him with anyone. i feel better but i still want to be with him.

it’s crazy being able to call him…i haven’t had the ability to call him in about 13 months and now all of a sudden whenever i feel like hearing his voice i can call and 8 times out of 10 talk to him. the first night he had his phone we talked for 3 1/2 hours…the second night 2 1/2 hours and the third night 1 1/2 hours. hopefully tonight we’ll talk for awhile but it’s possible he’ll be sleepy and will want to go to bed.

we had a long talk about the deployment and the effect it had on both of us. he told me all the stories that he didn’t want to tell me while he was in iraq for fear that it would completely ruin my psyche. turns out he was, as always, completely right. essentially, my boyfriend should be dead. he had the reputation as being the guy that should be dead. if certain things had been different, he would be gone. he believes that the little stuffed raccoon i gave him (i had it when i was a kid while i was sick) is what saved him. he wants to get a tattoo depicting the raccoon as his protector. i’m just so happy he’s okay.

i’m going to visit him next thursday (thanksgiving). i’ll only be there for 4 1/2 days which kind of sucks, but i’ll see him again less than a month afterward for 5 weeks. another girlfriend is flying into alaska tomorrow and is staying until the following monday…i’m jealous because she’ll be there for so long, but her boyfriend isn’t going to get the full 5 weeks of winter leave and he’ll be in the army for another 2 years or so, so i shouldn’t let it bother me.

it’s amazing how differently my life is shaping up to be in comparison with my college-aged friends. rob and i were talking today about how set we’ll be, both financially and relationship-wise. our plan right now is to move to farmington and to find somewhere to live, then i’ll get a job and he’ll start school. we’ll both have cars, we should be able to find an apartment that’s cheap, and we’ll be together. just shows me that all the pain, suffering, and waiting actually will pay off. i can’t wait.

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