and other crap.

07Nov07

so my boy leaves the middle east very soon, and i couldn’t be happier. except maybe if i knew i was going to see him as soon as he got back to the base. but just having him in the states will be good…no more worrying to the same extent, no more checking out http://www.icasualties.org/ to see if anyone from his region was killed…man, i’m almost getting nostalgic.

sunday made a 13-month deployment, and i can’t believe that it’s almost over. i have no idea where in the hell that time went. and i wonder if i could’ve possibly taken several years off of my life with all the worrying and intense emotion. i hope he doesn’t have to do it again, but if he did, i know we’d make it. but it seems now like the idea of our lives together isn’t so distant and unachievable. it’s actually going to happen…one year from now, i will be living with him in an apartment somewhere in maine, deliriously happy every day to wake up to his smiling face and crushed to have to leave him for the day. disgustingly, sickeningly in love. i can’t wait.

a few weeks ago i said to him, “let’s walk through a typical weekend when we live together.” and we sat there for a bit talking about all the things we’d do…going shopping together, lying around and watching mst3k and other movies, taking naps, decorating our apartment…it just all sounded way too good to be true. i still feel like something has to come between us and the life we plan to lead together, because i’ve spent so long saying, “only __ more years to get through,” and taking each day at a time. trying to put on a happy face when i didn’t feel very happy, and forcing myself to do things to keep my mind off of missing him. there are times when i’ve asked myself if i’ve missed out on any college experiences because of my boy, and undoubtedly there are some who think i have. when it comes to relationships in general, though, i am a bit of a fatalist…interestingly this doesn’t really carry over to other parts of my life. but with my relationship i think that all things have happened as they should. rob joined the army and it was a necessary evil…we have become stronger and stronger for having been apart and i think it was a bit of a test to show us how deep the love we have for each other is. him being in the army and us being apart has stopped me from doubting things so much and has fostered a kind of independence.  so in my mind, this WAS all part of my college experience.  and honestly i think i did a damn good job with it all.

sigh. the other day i met with my journalism advisor who asked for copies of some pieces i wrote for a class i took with him in spring ’06. he said he wanted to use them as examples for his class next semester, which was pretty cool, and then he emailed me saying i should try to get them published because “they deserve to see print.” that’s my ego-booster for the day. 🙂

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