i gave in and started writing on my old xanga.  i’ll probably delete it soon though…part of me doesn’t want to because it’s older; i have stuff on there from ’05.  maybe when R gets out of the army i’ll delete it in a sort of catharsis….a symbolic act, if you will.

this one army fiancee i talk to, the one who was super insensitive when R was injured last year, was bitching on her xanga because they’re letting the married guys come home first.  she even said, “way to punish those who didn’t rush out and get married before a deployment.”  stupid.  i don’t understand why these people think like this…the guys have to come home in a staggered fashion, and someone has to be first, and someone has to be last.  so it sucks for you that your boy is coming home last, but it’s gotta be someone, and they might as well let the guys who HAVE people at the base (i.e. wives and kids) come home first.  stop being so damn selfish…if your boy wasn’t coming home last it’d be someone else that would be sad.  so suck it up.  put on your big girl panties and fucking deal with it.  they’re all getting leave at the same time, and they’ll all be home within weeks of each other.

this other girlfriend i talk to has been bitching because her boyfriend is going to be one of the last to come back to the U.S.  this girl loves to suffer (like the russians, hahaha) and loves to be miserable…i’ve tried to tell her that it sucks but that she can’t let it eat her alive.  she says that R is coming home early and the implication is that i don’t “get” what she’s feeling…she said that i’d feel the same way if R were one of the last to come back.  i really don’t think i would be…this isn’t due to the army being stupid, this is necessary.  they can’t all come back at once, that would be ridiculous.  i don’t know, i just need to cleanse myself of people who are determined to be miserable.  i have lots of friends (mostly ones i’ve met through this army experience) who are like that…always playing the victim.  guess what girls, you knew exactly what you were getting into with this army thing.

which goes onto something else.  the army fiancee i mentioned…her boy was apparently going to be a lifer but has decided not to reenlist, mostly because of her.  here’s how i see this.  you get with a guy, you can figure out within the first few years if he’ll reenlist.  i don’t think it’s fair to expect him to change his plans or sacrifice what he wants for you, in the same way that the reverse is true.  i have no idea what this guy will be doing if he’s not in the army.  meh.  i’m just glad that R isn’t reenlisting, he’s never even considered reenlisting…lucky for me, because he’ll be mine forever and i never need to share him with the army again.

i’m really lonely tonight.  i wanted to hang out with emma and saul but they’re hanging out with this vegan speaker as well as another vegan friend, and i feel like i’d be really out of place.  so here i sit, watching mst3k, my favorite therapy.


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