oh lord.

15Jul07

so here’s my problem.  i hate when i talk to girls (it seems to be army wives/girlfriends most often) who think their life is sunshine and roses, but in reality their boy is an awful, dirty liar.  usually i just guess this based on behavior that i’ve seen before with other friends who’ve had their hearts ripped out by boys, but sometimes i know it from other people’s testimony (i know, i shouldn’t trust just that…but when you hear the same thing from several people…people who have nothing to gain by creating stories).  and then when these girls try to compensate for their own insecurities by talking about how amazing their boyfriend/husband is, i just want to scream.

i was talking on another blog about how proud i am of my boy, and how good he is with money.  another wife told me how pleased she was with her husband because he is also very responsible with money.  yet i know for a fact that this boy is quite the opposite, and is probably hiding a lot from his precious wifey.  but you could never say, “no!  that’s not true!” to a girl when talking about her husband without backing it up, haha.  i don’t know why i let myself get caught up in these things…i wish i could just back off and say i don’t care.  sometimes i have this “thing” with being right.  and i know that in a few years, this particular girl is going to be completely awash with surprise at the fact that her boyfriend is a liar and spends all their money, when most people (not just myself) saw it coming long before.

i accept the fact that i could be wrong.  maybe her life will be full of happiness, roses, sunshine, and bunnies in feetie pajamas dancing “good ship lollipop” all hours of the day, and she will never realize or find out the depths to which her darling hubby sank.  i’m no prophet.  in fact i’m quite cynical.  but based on patterns that i’ve seen…i can’t imagine this will end all that happily. plus, these two people barely know each other, and have already had problems that a couple experiences in the first two months of dating while they are married!  sigh.  again, i wish i could just say “fuck it” and not care…and people aren’t all entitled to my opinion, haha.  i don’t know why i let this bother me.  i think part of it is because these people tend to rub it in my face how “perfect” their relationships are.

which i’m sure i’ve done on numerous occasions.  i’m in love with my relationship; in my mind, it is as close to perfect as i can get.  i love R and i…i love us.  that must come off as super annoying sometimes, and i realize that.   i don’t mean to rub stuff like that in…and if i do, it’s only to people who rub it into my face.  i like to think. maybe not.  i’m sorry if i’m annoying…even though only 2 people read this.

haha oh, the insecurity.  lord knows i’m full of it myself…even though for the most part it’s unfounded, because R never does anything wrong.  it’s ridiculous, really.  to me, he’s perfect in every way…and even at his most imperfect times, he’s perfect to me.  but i recognize that he may not be perfect to many, and that’s fine.

this is what we call the insecure blog.

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