oh, darling.

03Jul07

so my boy called a day or so ahead of schedule.  unfortunately that means he’s going out again very soon, for longer than before.  siiigh.  i will be very happy when this deployment is finished, and when he is out of the army for good.

i started saving some more of his old emails (from 2003-04)…it’s funny reading all his references to discussions or arguments we had that probably seemed so important at the time, but now i haven’t the faintest idea as to what we were talking about.  i also realize that i gave that boy a lot of stress.  for a long time i doubted that he would always be there (abandonment issues left over from my mother, my best friend who died when i was 9, my stepmother…keep on the projection) and constantly questioned him and my feelings for him.  it freaked me out to talk about the future but other times it didn’t…i was crazy.  i still am, but since he joined the army i don’t ever question things like i used to.  someone asked me why and i really can’t say why.  he left for basic and that next day i realized that i could never question it again.  i knew that he was completely worth the pain and agony that i was to go through in the coming 4 years.  and i was right.

in reading his old emails i also found some really sweet passages…i won’t put them here but they were amazingly written.  he’s so amazing.  i’m so in love and i keep falling harder every day.

i’m glad that no one has this blog besides R and maria.  i like not having to worry about what i say.

last summer R and i got matching tattoos.  they say “anamchara.” here’s the explanation…i really like this explanation actually.

Anam Cara or Anamchara, pronounced (“ahn-im-KAR-uh”) is an Irish (Gaelic) word meaning “soul friend”. Anam means “soul” or “Spirit”, while Cara or Chara means “friend”. In Celtic Spiritual tradition Anam Cara refers to a spiritual belief of souls connecting and bonding. It is believed that the soul radiates all about the physical body, what some refer to as the Aura or energy field. It is thought that we search all of our lives for our Anam Cara and when and if we connect with another individual our two souls begin to flow together, and should such a deep bond be formed it is said that you have found your Anam Cara or soul friend; someone who always accepts you as you truly are, holding you in beauty and light. In Celtic philosophy it is thought that friendship will help your awareness of your own inner light your own inner friendship to yourself, and to awaken your own passionate sense of the Divine, that embraces nature, divinity and the human world. Your Anam Cara provides to you support, direction and guidance to help you grow spiritually. And truly touching the soul of another allows us to become Anam Cara.” (From “A Handful of Health”)

and here’s a picture of our tattoos, reunited over his midtour leave: img_0256.jpg

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