different.

28Jun07

firstly, and most importantly, i would like to wish a happy 4 1/2 year anniversary to me and the love of my life.  darling, i love you so much, and i promise to love you for the rest of our life together.  come home safely to my arms.

R goes out soon.  i was hoping for a call today before he goes but it seems as though that won’t happen.  i’m trying to be okay with it; one army girlfriend i talk to (who is the furthest from bitchy ever…one of the few), her boyfriend is over with mine and she’s been having a hard time lately when she can’t talk to him.  in trying to help her i realize that i’m also trying to help myself.  i try to put everything into perspective for her, and by doing so help convince myself that maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay.  one of the companies of R’s unit for awhile was going 1-2 months without being able to call home.  the most i’ve gone without talking to him was 3 weeks right around christmas.  probably the worst christmas i’ve ever had.  i couldn’t do 2 months.  but i guess it’s not a competition…we’re all worried about the same thing.

it’s a matter of trying to figure out what i’m thinking and try to head the negative thoughts off at the pass.  i think, “he’s not calling because he just doesn’t want to talk.”  but then i tell myself, “you know that’s not true…this boy is wonderfully devoted to you, and would call every second of the day if it were possible.”  it helps to have such an amazing, amazing boy to love; one that i never need to worry about.  i’m very lucky in that respect.  though i approach the situation often with a lack of trust, he has never given me a reason not to trust him, and over the past 4.5 years, i’ve given more and more of myself to him.   i trust him with my heart, with my life.  he has the ability to absolutely destroy me, and he doesn’t.  that means so much. 

haha, all that talk and he just called.   he’s doing well.  he makes me so happy, even thousands of miles away.  an amazing, amazing boy…and he’s all mine 🙂

i like this icon.  i feel like it’s something i should look at and say out loud every single day.

willnot.gif

well, i tried to sleep but i woke up around 10:30 pm.  i think my body thought it was a nap.  so i may never get to sleep now.

i’ve had a really good day today.  i was so high on love all day…it’s amazing when R can make me happy even when he’s in a warzone.   i’m so proud of where we are as a couple, how far we’ve made it and how much we’ve gone through together.  to me, we are perfect.  we’re everything i’ve ever wanted in a relationship.  i’m in love and it makes me happier and happier every second.

sigh, enough of the drippy romantic crap i guess.  we won’t talk for another 4 days or more now, so this love-high will have to keep me going until then.

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