more boredom


i literally slept all day today. like, all day. i mean it. it’s insane. many people can’t sleep when they’re depressed, but i on the other hand, sleep like a freakin’ rock when i’m sad. it’s a lot easier than hurting, i find.

my cousin left yesterday to go back to alaska. her husband is deploying to iraq soon for 15-20 months, which definitely sucks, given the fact that they have two very young children (4 and 2). she was worried when she was here that i would bring up how much i hate the army…her and her husband are both soldiers and she hates hearing me bitch about it, haha. i was watching everything that i said, and even going overboard in niceness when i talked about the army. she invited me to stay up there sometime, maybe when R comes home but i might go up anyway even if he hasn’t returned yet. i might take advantage of that.

one thing that in infuriates me at times is when people attribute every good thing that happens as god is watching over them. this one girl i know, her husband’s normal seat in a humvee was taken when a completely different mission is going on (it wasn’t even a situation like, if he had sat there, this would’ve happened to him), and the guy in the seat was killed in an IED explosion. the girl told me that both her and her husband were “loving their lord” after that (i assume he made it sound like he was thisclose to actually sitting in that seat when, in reality, that was not the case).

to me, this suggests that god decided her husband was more worthy of life and therefore sacrificed some other guy in order to keep her husband alive. who says that? it’s quite possibly the most insensitive thing ever…it’s like bringing all the attention on you and what could’ve happened, rather than focusing on what did happen and all the people that are affected by this other soldier’s death. it really made me angry.

in war, this shit is random. most of it is completely pure dumb luck. even if you’re religious i don’t see how you could question that.

R told me once, “god is not here.” he made that statement after a friend of his was killed in fallujah (the bullet hit in just the right place to miss the armor…completely random, one-in-a-million chance type thing). this friend attended church every sunday and was, by all accounts, what most would consider a “good” christian. and he was killed. his family is left to suffer. to me, that speaks volumes of randomness.

the phrase “there are no atheists in foxholes” most certainly applies in a lot of cases; but i’ve also heard in rebuttal to this statement that “whoever said that has never actually been in war.” i think it must be both ways…you get some people who become more religious, and others who swear off religion for good. i would venture a guess that most of R’s friends, who see pretty rough combat given their MOS (infantry), are in the latter group. i know my boy is. and i don’t blame him for that.

when he was on his way home he was roped into a USO chaplain’s office in one of the airports. the woman was extolling the value of praying to jesus, and how many groups of soldiers, who had prayed together (of course only to a christian god) before a mission, had gone out in trucks only to have the trucks completely destroyed by IEDs but leaving everyone inside perfectly safe. R told me that the trucks are designed to keep people inside as safe as possible. there were two other guys from the air force (or navy, i can’t remember) in this office, and R told me it was obvious they hadn’t ever seen any type of combat because they were amazed that jesus had protected these soldiers. the woman also added that they should beware of false idols, who don’t have the same magical powers as jesus, apparently.

i think that anyone who has never seen combat should not be allowed to tell any soldier about praying, or about who they should be praying to.

i was watching a special on north korea a few days ago. this nepali doctor went and cured a couple hundred north korean citizens of blindness, and what did the citizens do as soon as they were un-bandaged and realized they could see? they walked up to the portraits of kim jong il and his father, kim il sung, and thanked them for giving them sight. when i watched it i was appalled until i realize that many of us do the same thing by thanking some sort of god when in reality, it was medicine or some other man-made concept that helped us. like people who thank god for getting them through cancer or other sicknesses. it was god who gave you the cancer in theory, right? left to god you wouldn’t have survived at all. it was doctors who saved you. doctors and modern medicine.

and what does that say for children and women in darfur who are raped and killed? does god just not care about non-white, non-republican, non-christian people or what?

i’m not speaking out against religion, i’m not trying to be overly critical because i know how religion can help people. i really just don’t understand it. i’d rather go to hell anyway.


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